Honest Menus

   Restaurant menus.  What are we really looking at when they have been presented to us.  Some are straight forward while others are thick as bibles.  I tend to find most menus that I read a bit misleading.  The authors have taken quite a few liberties with artistic license in an effort to impress the public and show off food which may not be worthy of the descriptors.   Farm to table, artisanal cheese, locally sourced, confit, gastrique, aioli, coulis, gorgonzola cheese, free-range chicken, Faro island salmon, Hudson Valley foie gras, Olympic Peninsula steelhead trout, Benton's bacon, Grainger County tomatoes, dry aged steak,  she crab soup, crab cakes, fresh fish are just a few of menu claims I have been suspicious of, doubted or know for a fact were false.

  My wife calls me the jaded chef.  This probably describes many an old cook or chef.  If you have spent any time working in a restaurant, you understand a bit about smoke and mirrors and bait and switch that can go on.  You also understand the multitude of tasks that need to be accomplished to run a decent restaurant.   Therefore, because of my lengthy experience toiling in both the back and front of the house, I think I might have a more discerning eye than most.  I see things most don't.  I call it restaurant vision.  It is almost like a super power. One that my wife probably wishes I didn't possess.   It can turn what should be a perfectly lovely evening into an exercise in criticism and sarcasm.  I just can't seem to help myself.

  It starts from the moment I walk in the joint.  Are we welcomed with a smile?  Were we seated quickly, and shown to a clean table?   Or, are we waiting around while the hostess is polishing her nails, updating her Instagram and flirting with the bartender?  Is the waiter dressed in some kind of clean, well-kept uniform even t-shirt, so I know he/she is a waiter?  Or do they look like they just got out of bed in their wrinkled hipster garb, skinny jeans, and messy man bun?  Do they greet us right away with a drink order, and inform us about tonight's features?  Or are we scanning the scene, trying to decide which non-uniformed, hipster to ask for a menu and ice tea?   Do they use a pen and pad while taking the order or believe they can remember the varied requests of a six top?   Are the silverware and menu clean, are their napkins on the table?  Did the condiments get refilled, and the crust cleaned off ketchup bottles?  Are they using generic or branded sugars and sweeteners?  Is their background music playing? (one of my pet peeves)  Or is the place funeral home quiet?  Worse yet, is their network news or Dr. Phil blaring from some unseen television.?

   I take notice of all of these things and more before I have even looked at a menu.  Most are accomplished with some degree of effectiveness in successful venues.  It is easy to spot a struggling restaurant by the lack of attention to details that matter.   I have learned to forgive many front of the house transgressions if the food is good enough and the staff courteous.  The exceptions to that forgiveness, are the aforementioned ambiance and a lazy, presumptuous, ill-designed and lying menu.

  What I mean by a lazy menu is a lack of thought or research.  It's a copy cat of what has worked in another popular place.  It is an unoriginal, uninspired work of plagiarism from the Shrimp Vera Cruz and farm to table catfish to the .99 included in all the pricing.

  What I mean by presumptuous is two-fold.  The first part of it is that the restaurant owner fails to recognize their demographic and presumes that potential customers will be happy with high standards that don't allow tomatoes being served unless they are in season.  They don't recognize the risk they take of losing an embarrassed and pissed off customer who felt chided by the server because they asked for a slice of tomato to go on their sandwich.  The server, not only seemed to scorn them for ignorance but also because of the thought that they would actually eat a tomato in December.  The second part of the presumption is when they use words like confit or the trendy sous vide in dish descriptions, but never educate the staff on what that term really means, or how the chef may have tweaked the classic method possibly ignoring it altogether in their execution of said dish.  It may only be on the menu because it sounds good!

   Ill-designed menu flaws can range from organization and placement to spelling errors or just an overabundance of food choices.   It is really hard to produce an extensive and varied menu and do it well.  Recently I was scanning a four-page menu for what seemed like 15 minutes.  I was already getting irritated by the potato(e) au gratin, tomato(e) salad, and could not find soup anywhere on the menu so I ordered their classic Caesar which was spelled Ceasar.  Then a few minutes later imagine my surprise when I see the gentlemen in the booth across from me enjoying a bowl of what looked like delicious clam chowder.  To make it worse, I had asked the waiter about soup, but pretty much received a blank stare and shoulder shrug.  I guess sometimes yelp reviews can be useful.

  Now some of this may sound like nitpicking and I am actually pretty patient and forgiving having been there myself, but where I draw the line and start the sarcasm is the blatantly false claims made on menus.  I know if I were to walk in the back of most any kitchen claiming to serve San Marzano tomatoes, I would find ordinary plums.  If Gorgonzola is the description for the bleu cheese on the salad, it almost assuredly came crumbled in a 5lb bag with the purveyor's name and not from Northern Italy.  The Apalachicola oyster appetizer may have come from Florida, or North Carolina, or Georgia.  The menu might go as far to describe any Atlantic salmon it offers as Chilean, Scottish or even Faro Island salmon and is most often farm-raised and not wild. Did the crab cake taste overly sweet like it could be cut with surimi (fake crab)?  I have even seen a menu entry of Krab cake, which meant no real crab may be present in the recipe.  A b.l.t featuring the revered Grainger County tomato and Benton's bacon might actually be using neither. She-crab soup most likely uses tomato instead of roe (which can be impossible to come by) and I have seen countless remoulades that have no resemblance with the classic or each other.   These misrepresentations are just the tip of the iceberg and I'm not talking about the lettuce. 

   Does any of this really make a difference?  Well to some it obviously doesn't.  Many places are banking on the public not knowing how to tell apart, $4 a pound farm raised tilapia and $18 a pound fresh grouper.  I mean they are both white and flaky, and a restaurant may even purchase fish that verified as grouper, but not a type of grouper you and I would be familiar with.   They are hoping you have never eaten a properly dry aged steak.  If not how could you possibly tell whether your ribeye of choice, is a select or choice grade, much less the prime advertised? If you ever questioned that your steak was really center or hand cut, you were probably right to do so.  It also might be hard to believe that so many different ingredients on the menu can come from so many places.  Most often they may not.  When ingredients play a small part in a dish, then a chef might decide to embellish a bit, like referring to a poblano pepper as a Calabrian pepper when describing it.  Often, the way a dish is described and presented has a lot to do with how much you might enjoy it.  It's all kind of, mind over matter.  If you don't mind, it don't matter.

  The truth is, it might not matter.  As long as you have enjoyed the food and had a good dining experience, the restaurant and even, you the customer, may think, what's the harm?  Plus you might have gotten a kick, oohing an awing, over the glorious sounding descriptions of selections presented.  To me, though, I want my restaurant to be honest with me.  I look for truth in my menu.   If you look long enough,  you will find more than a few that are truly great at that.

   We have a local Italian restaurant we enjoy. They make their own pasta, craft their own sauces, butcher their own meats, partner with local farms when they can and stand by their ingredients.  It is a fairly simple menu, straightforward in its approach and consistent on its delivery. The chef will text me if he has lamb, visits the table when we dine and has at different times, invited me to tour the kitchen and see what he's preparing.  He is proud of what he does, and it shows with the food he produces.  We eat there almost weekly and I am making my way through the menu.  I have a few favorites like the Shrimp with polenta, Pork Saltimbocca and Lamb ravioli, which was run as a feature.  Like all the menu items they are presented beautifully and are delicious without being overwhelming.  The thing that I like best about our local pastaria, the chef, his features and the menu are the same reasons we keep going back.  It's that they are honest.

Cioppino, soup for the soul

 

Soup is food for the soul. Soup might be my favorite food.  I can eat it at any time of the day.  Pad Thai for breakfast, tomato bisque at lunch and beef stew for dinner. Soup can be as simple and straightforward as a cup chicken broth or as complex as a duck consommé.  Soup can be creamy, brothy, or noodly if those are words. It might be meat-based or vegetarian.  It can be served hot or cold.  Soup may call for spices from cumin and coriander to nutmeg or turmeric.  It can make use of herbs like cilantro, basil, and oregano.  Soups vary as much as the cultures they stem from and can be the most versatile dish in a chef's repertoire, highlighting their skills and testing their palates.

  I have yet to meet a soup I didn't want to try and recreate.   I think my two biggest strengths in the kitchen, are my skills as a saucier, and the ability to make a good soup out of just about any ingredients given.  However, the soups I like best of all have seafood.  My favorites include she-crab bisque, crawfish gumbo, and Ocracoke style clam chowder, but my wife's favorite is the one I am making today, cioppino.

   Cioppino is said to be the creation of Italian fishermen in the San Francisco area.  The word either comes from a Genovese fish stew called ciuppin or possibly an Italian-Americanization of chip-in,  Either way like many dishes it seems to be born out of necessity and using what was available.  It is pretty simple to make, tastes delicious,  and can be easily adapted.  I have seen quite a few recipes and the base is the same.  Garlic, onions, celery, canned tomatoes, broth, herbs with the addition of seafood, (mussels, shrimps and/or scallops, calamari, white fish, and/or Dungeness crab).  My personal thoughts on the way to make this dish really special are by making your own fish stock.  Then I like to add fennel and carrots, and abundance of oregano and thyme to finally finish with fresh basil, right after plating and just before serving.  When done right the flavors dance of your tongue and the aromas have you fighting off unwanted lid lifts. 

   The seafood may be the star of this fish stew but the stock is the key.  Good stock serves to enhance whatever dish it is involved in.  I suggest making your own when you have the time. You can even freeze it for later use. Sometimes I'll buy a whole fish when available, a small red snapper, or grouper. I will filet it out then use the head and bones for stock  I will most often buy lb of med shell 36-40 shell on shrimp for the dish,  peel them and use the shells for the stock.   This is done by sautéing the shells in butter with, 1ea cup of rough cut onions and celery (it's okay to use the stems and the ends).  Deglaze the pot with 1/2 cup white wine reduce by half, add 3 quarts of water, a tablespoon of tomato paste, 1T salt, 1t peppercorns, a bay leaf or two and bring to a light boil then reduce to simmer for about 1 hour reducing by 1/3, remove, strain and store.

    If I was out on the island I could call cousin Charles or Farris for fresh fish or run by the fish house where there are plenty of daily choices for my wife the pescatarian.   Living in Tennessee, fresh seafood can be a challenge.  I've had some luck at Whole Foods and Publix which both have pretty good seafood programs.  They will even order the fish for you, though it can be pricey. The good thing about this dish is the seafood can be easily changed, left out or substituted.  My wife and daughter love mussels but I prefer clams and sometimes use both.  Many of the other ingredients like shrimp, scallops, and crab are much more readily available nowadays.  I rarely add crab.  Most recipes call for or mention Dungeness crab, not readily available in my area. I prefer the sweeter blue crab, which can be found in cans at most grocery stores, but for the price, it doesn't usually make its way to our cioppino pot. For the fish, you can use snapper, grouper, mahi, even tilapia.  I stick to using white fish and try to avoid tuna, mackerel, and salmon as the dish should be more subtle and those fish flavors can overwhelm the stew. I like to use fish in the cioppino whenever possible.  It is, after all, a fish stew, but if the fish is hard to come by and doesn't fit the budget, I will leave it out altogether.  The dish is sure to still please.

   Tonight, for example, I made a small batch cioppino for two. I bought l lb mussels, 6 scallops, 8 shrimp and 3 oz calamari.  A little more seafood and it could have easily fed the family, and notice no fish,  but the girls wanted beef stew.  Long story, another blog.  The stew or base was made in a 1-gallon stock pot by sautéing 1 diced onion, 2T chopped garlic and a small bulb of fennel, diced, in olive oil.  I then added 1 cup of sauvignon blanc, reduced by half, threw in 1 24 oz. can of diced tomatoes, 2T dried oregano, 1T dried thyme and 2 quarts of ready-made stock and brought to a simmer then cook for 30-45 minutes. Lid and set aside. ( large T -tablespoon, small t-teaspoon)

   At this point depending on the size of the scallops and shrimp and portion to serve, you could place seafood in the stew at a simmer and cook for 3-5 minutes turn off, then ladle in bowls, garnish with fresh herbs and serve.  But, because of different cooking times and for a little more flavor, I start by searing the scallops in a large saute  pan or skillet, turning then adding  a little-melted butter, 1Tof  garlic, clams, mussels, cut up fish, shrimp, and calamari in that order, a splash of white wine, toss then ladle 2 cups stew from large pot over and cook for a few minutes, add fresh herbs.  Tonight I added a  chiffonade of basil and fennel leaves, tossed and placed in a bowl and presented to my lovely wife.  Although she is eating less bread, I would prefer to serve with a warm, crunchy baguette. The bread always helps me get every last bit of goodness out of the bowl.

    Everything turned out great. The wife was raving about the cioppino until bedtime and the kids were happy with their beef stew.  Like I said, different blog.  But because I didn't need both quarts, it left me with a base that I will serve later in the week, and if I want, can turn into a whole different dish or buy whatever fresh seafood is available on that day, and introduce to the base to serve it again.  A couple of days in the refrigerator will only serve to enhance the flavor of the base.

   One of the things I really love about making this dish or any soup is how it can be left up to your interpretation, and changed by season or mood.   With the seafood base I have, I could just add all clams, chopped and whole, add some potatoes and maybe even bacon and turn it into a Manhattan clam chowder. I could make a dark roux, then cook up some andouille sausage, shrimp and okra, with a little cayenne and have a decent gumbo.  If I  wanted to make my daughter ecstatic, I might puree the stew, thicken with a roux then add cream, a little lump crab, and a touch of sherry for bisque.  I could even use the base for a dish I just started making called shrimp jalfrezi. I would adjust by adding bell peppers, jalapenos, cumin, coriander, and cinnamon, then serve over rice.

      These aren't exact recipes.  They do have classics in mind and they show how versatile one recipe with some consideration can become. They make the thought of cooking something new, less daunting if you are just a little familiar with the basics. They are great starting points and good reference material that will yield some really tasty food.  There is science in cooking, but cooking is not science or brain surgery for that matter. I had an old chef tell me that time and time again. He would say, "It's just food and beverage, don't make it complicated."  Good food and cooking is more art and feel, and many times, trial and error.  There is no reason not try cooking something new.  Then with a little knowledge, you can have faith in the outcome.  So find some inspiration, try something new, in the kitchen at home, experience something beautiful, something you can use to impress or share.  If you do give in to this course of action, remember cioppino. It's warm, it's delicious, it's fairly easy, a good place to start, and it's soup for the soul.

                                           

F*** Gordon Ramsay

   Cooking shows.  Do you watch them?   A friend asked today.  Not so much I replied, as I felt my blood begin to boil.  He said, "I like Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives."  I felt my pulse slow.  Yeah, I replied, "I've seen it."  It's one I actually enjoy. You get a glimpse into the back of the house.  It has a feel of authenticity.  I can actually believe they are producing the food and Guy Fieri doesn't seem to take himself so seriously.  Also, he used to wait tables at a buddy's restaurant out in California, so it's like a six degrees of separation thing.  There are a few others I turn on from time to time. Guy's Grocery Games, because it's pretty inventive and funny.  Good Eats with Alton Brown because I always feel like I might learn something from it.  Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmerman, and Parts Unknown with Anthony Bourdain, both make me want to renew my passport.  Then my friend asks, "What about Gordon Ramsey?"  My reply simply is, "F*** Gordon Ramsay!!"

  Look it's probably not rational.  I hate Gordon Ramsey for a lot of the same reasons I hate Tom Brady. They are both good looking dudes, who are great at what they do, make a lot more money than I ever will, all while making it seem so easy. Plus, Ramsey actually reminds me of how I used to act in the kitchen.  He's a prima donna.  He gets in peoples faces,  yells a lot and act like he knows better.  He probably does.  I just recognize that kind of crazy and there wouldn't be enough room in the kitchen for the both of us, and I'm pretty sure I'm the one that would be 86ed.

  Still, there is something more. If it is real, on his show, he is the guy who gets to save the day. And it's the way they go about it that drives me insane.  He and his crew come into these struggling, and sometimes, going out of business restaurants and highlight the worst possible scenarios, then humiliate the owners and staff.  Granted, the masochistic proprietors have offered themselves up in what seems like a last ditch effort to save their livelihoods.  They have humbled themselves before the great Ramsey and have promised in return for his input, wisdom and let's be honest, money, they will change their ways and run their establishment in a way he would approve.

   What I question most about this transaction is, at what cost does this forgiveness come, and what part of the story are they not telling?  Like, how exactly did they get here?  How did things get so bad?  Some of it may be Hollywood, but I feel like there is something I know that others don't.  I have been in that kitchen.  I have walked that line.  I have witnessed that drama, it's real and I know where it's headed.  I have never experienced a panic attack, but sometimes watching these shows I feel like one is coming on.

   Anyone who has ever dared to open a restaurant will tell you that it was never part of their dream to have a rat run over Ramsey's foot on network tv in their kitchen.  They would have been mortified if they'd know Gordon would be turning up his nose at their grandma's secret sauce, or if they had to hear it from Chef G that their bartender was stealing them blind.   They would never believe they would have sacrificed the quality of their food to stay open until they were watching the video playback of cooks complaining about using out of date and subpar product.  Ask yourself.  How proud would you be if Gordon stopped by your home unannounced to film what he found in your kitchen and refrigerator?

  It's his seeming lack of empathy that gets to me.  These places didn't get that way overnight.  It took a lot of empty dining rooms, a lot of refinanced mortgages, emptying college funds and IRAs to be able to say, enough.  The business looks easy enough.  All you need to do is find a decent location, serve good food and treat your customers well then you can retire after all that money starts rolling in.  Open it and they will come.  Except they don't.

  After years of thinking about starting something of your own, you finally make that leap, then pour your heart and soul into it.  You know you have great food because you have heard it from so many.  You employ a decent staff. They're clean, smile at the customers, barely smoke out back, and mostly show up on time.  Yet your barely a year in, and are struggling to keep the doors open. You start going to Sams instead of Sysco for food, you have maxed out your credit cards to pay the cooks. Waiters are jumping ship for somewhere they think they will make better tips.  Your less than stellar last health inspection just posted in the local paper. Your behind on your taxes. Your working 16 hour days and drinking more than your selling, and you can feel it slipping away.  You tell yourself if you just make it to Valentine's day, that will make the difference.  Then in swoops Ramsey.
  He gets to come into lives at their most vulnerable and highlight this tragedy in exchange for hope... and ratings.  Don't get me wrong it makes for some compelling drama and great tv.  I just don't believe that it does these dreamer's justice.  Because that is the real story here.  The dream so many Americans have to build a business of their own.  A gamble for sure, but a risk worth taking because it is something to be proud of, maybe even pass on.

  We look at restaurateurs and think of all the money they must be making and ay to ourselves, "This is something I could do."  We love to go into a place where we know the owner and the chef walks out to our table. We brag about this relationship to our friends, and secretly wish that was our place. There is a certain amount of cache about it.  We think, that could be me.
  Then we are out driving one day and notice a once popular local bistro is up for sale.  We google it.  It's turnkey, still has running equipment and only in need of a new coat of paint, some elbow grease, and a little love. We call the realtors, the price is negotiable, the current owners really want to work with us and would even consider a lease option.  This is something we have pondered a while.  We think about the last time we had a group of friends over for a barbecue.  They all loved the food and asked for recipes.  How many times was I told, you should really open your own restaurant.  We arrange for a walk-through and immediately fall in love with the place.  The thought of finally working for yourself and romantic notion of being that guy who owns a restaurant are all running through your head as you sign the deal to make the bistro yours.  It's a rush. It's that rush that keeps you going until you realize, maybe I didn't think this through.

    Most new restaurant owners fail to do the real legwork.  They don't develop a business plan or informed budget before jumping in.  The never do the research into the real cost of running your own business. They use the profitable numbers from the previous owners and never run their own, or find out what caused the restaurant to shut down in the first place. They review the overhead, the fixed costs, like rent, gas, electricity, and water.  However, demographics, advertising, insurance, taxes, waste, spoilage, breakage, theft, cost of paper goods and fluctuating food prices are all things that are often overlooked or given just a cursory glance.   They never recognize the consequence of not having enough capital and reserves or just don't know what those real numbers are.

  The truth is that nearly 60% of newly opened restaurants fail in the first year and about 80% within the first five mostly due to this lack of research.  I had one of them, and I had spent a good part of my life in the kitchen and thought I knew the ins and outs of the business.  It's heart-wrenching to see something you worked so hard to breathe life into, slowly die.  I've seen both sides of this equation play out.  I have been on both sides and know what it takes for something to work or go horribly wrong.  I have known many who, like me, decided this was the life for them and dove headfirst into the restaurant business.  I know a few of them have been successful, others are making a living, but the majority are still struggling today to keep those doors open.  I don't know of any holding out hope though, waiting for the great chef to come and save them, but if they are, I do know he can't get to them all. So because of that, I say "F*** Gordon Ramsey!!!"

Tonight's dinner for your consideration was a vegetarian cassoulet.  Cannelini beans cooked slow with sautéed garlic, diced red bell pepper, caramelized onions, and sliced carrots.  Then finished with shitake mushrooms, fresh rosemary and chopped scallions served with my wife's favorite sautéed spinach.  She was happy.  Happy wife, happy life!!