Cooking shows. Do you watch them? A friend asked today. Not so much I replied, as I felt my blood begin to boil. He said, "I like Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives." I felt my pulse slow. Yeah, I replied, "I've seen it." It's one I actually enjoy. You get a glimpse into the back of the house. It has a feel of authenticity. I can actually believe they are producing the food and Guy Fieri doesn't seem to take himself so seriously. Also, he used to wait tables at a buddy's restaurant out in California, so it's like a six degrees of separation thing. There are a few others I turn on from time to time. Guy's Grocery Games, because it's pretty inventive and funny. Good Eats with Alton Brown because I always feel like I might learn something from it. Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmerman, and Parts Unknown with Anthony Bourdain, both make me want to renew my passport. Then my friend asks, "What about Gordon Ramsey?" My reply simply is, "F*** Gordon Ramsay!!"
Look it's probably not rational. I hate Gordon Ramsey for a lot of the same reasons I hate Tom Brady. They are both good looking dudes, who are great at what they do, make a lot more money than I ever will, all while making it seem so easy. Plus, Ramsey actually reminds me of how I used to act in the kitchen. He's a prima donna. He gets in peoples faces, yells a lot and act like he knows better. He probably does. I just recognize that kind of crazy and there wouldn't be enough room in the kitchen for the both of us, and I'm pretty sure I'm the one that would be 86ed.
Still, there is something more. If it is real, on his show, he is the guy who gets to save the day. And it's the way they go about it that drives me insane. He and his crew come into these struggling, and sometimes, going out of business restaurants and highlight the worst possible scenarios, then humiliate the owners and staff. Granted, the masochistic proprietors have offered themselves up in what seems like a last ditch effort to save their livelihoods. They have humbled themselves before the great Ramsey and have promised in return for his input, wisdom and let's be honest, money, they will change their ways and run their establishment in a way he would approve.
What I question most about this transaction is, at what cost does this forgiveness come, and what part of the story are they not telling? Like, how exactly did they get here? How did things get so bad? Some of it may be Hollywood, but I feel like there is something I know that others don't. I have been in that kitchen. I have walked that line. I have witnessed that drama, it's real and I know where it's headed. I have never experienced a panic attack, but sometimes watching these shows I feel like one is coming on.
Anyone who has ever dared to open a restaurant will tell you that it was never part of their dream to have a rat run over Ramsey's foot on network tv in their kitchen. They would have been mortified if they'd know Gordon would be turning up his nose at their grandma's secret sauce, or if they had to hear it from Chef G that their bartender was stealing them blind. They would never believe they would have sacrificed the quality of their food to stay open until they were watching the video playback of cooks complaining about using out of date and subpar product. Ask yourself. How proud would you be if Gordon stopped by your home unannounced to film what he found in your kitchen and refrigerator?
It's his seeming lack of empathy that gets to me. These places didn't get that way overnight. It took a lot of empty dining rooms, a lot of refinanced mortgages, emptying college funds and IRAs to be able to say, enough. The business looks easy enough. All you need to do is find a decent location, serve good food and treat your customers well then you can retire after all that money starts rolling in. Open it and they will come. Except they don't.
After years of thinking about starting something of your own, you finally make that leap, then pour your heart and soul into it. You know you have great food because you have heard it from so many. You employ a decent staff. They're clean, smile at the customers, barely smoke out back, and mostly show up on time. Yet your barely a year in, and are struggling to keep the doors open. You start going to Sams instead of Sysco for food, you have maxed out your credit cards to pay the cooks. Waiters are jumping ship for somewhere they think they will make better tips. Your less than stellar last health inspection just posted in the local paper. Your behind on your taxes. Your working 16 hour days and drinking more than your selling, and you can feel it slipping away. You tell yourself if you just make it to Valentine's day, that will make the difference. Then in swoops Ramsey.
He gets to come into lives at their most vulnerable and highlight this tragedy in exchange for hope... and ratings. Don't get me wrong it makes for some compelling drama and great tv. I just don't believe that it does these dreamer's justice. Because that is the real story here. The dream so many Americans have to build a business of their own. A gamble for sure, but a risk worth taking because it is something to be proud of, maybe even pass on.
We look at restaurateurs and think of all the money they must be making and ay to ourselves, "This is something I could do." We love to go into a place where we know the owner and the chef walks out to our table. We brag about this relationship to our friends, and secretly wish that was our place. There is a certain amount of cache about it. We think, that could be me.
Then we are out driving one day and notice a once popular local bistro is up for sale. We google it. It's turnkey, still has running equipment and only in need of a new coat of paint, some elbow grease, and a little love. We call the realtors, the price is negotiable, the current owners really want to work with us and would even consider a lease option. This is something we have pondered a while. We think about the last time we had a group of friends over for a barbecue. They all loved the food and asked for recipes. How many times was I told, you should really open your own restaurant. We arrange for a walk-through and immediately fall in love with the place. The thought of finally working for yourself and romantic notion of being that guy who owns a restaurant are all running through your head as you sign the deal to make the bistro yours. It's a rush. It's that rush that keeps you going until you realize, maybe I didn't think this through.
Most new restaurant owners fail to do the real legwork. They don't develop a business plan or informed budget before jumping in. The never do the research into the real cost of running your own business. They use the profitable numbers from the previous owners and never run their own, or find out what caused the restaurant to shut down in the first place. They review the overhead, the fixed costs, like rent, gas, electricity, and water. However, demographics, advertising, insurance, taxes, waste, spoilage, breakage, theft, cost of paper goods and fluctuating food prices are all things that are often overlooked or given just a cursory glance. They never recognize the consequence of not having enough capital and reserves or just don't know what those real numbers are.
The truth is that nearly 60% of newly opened restaurants fail in the first year and about 80% within the first five mostly due to this lack of research. I had one of them, and I had spent a good part of my life in the kitchen and thought I knew the ins and outs of the business. It's heart-wrenching to see something you worked so hard to breathe life into, slowly die. I've seen both sides of this equation play out. I have been on both sides and know what it takes for something to work or go horribly wrong. I have known many who, like me, decided this was the life for them and dove headfirst into the restaurant business. I know a few of them have been successful, others are making a living, but the majority are still struggling today to keep those doors open. I don't know of any holding out hope though, waiting for the great chef to come and save them, but if they are, I do know he can't get to them all. So because of that, I say "F*** Gordon Ramsey!!!"
Tonight's dinner for your consideration was a vegetarian cassoulet. Cannelini beans cooked slow with sautéed garlic, diced red bell pepper, caramelized onions, and sliced carrots. Then finished with shitake mushrooms, fresh rosemary and chopped scallions served with my wife's favorite sautéed spinach. She was happy. Happy wife, happy life!!
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